Post by ronnierocketago on May 18, 2009 16:24:19 GMT
BEDTIME STORIES (2008) - **
Once upon a time, you might remember when my girlfriend made me watch THE HOUSE BUNNY with her, and I wrote a review about that experience. I also wrote of how I surprisingly found myself enjoying it if mostly for the comicly charming Anna Faris. In short, I dodged a bullet there, but not with BEDTIME STORIES.
If anyone had seen the trailer for Judd Apatow's FUNNY PEOPLE, there is truth in that Seth Rogen quote about how he had grown up with Adam Sandler's movies. I'm embarrased to admit this, but I was 10 once, and at the time did watch his pictures back in the 1990s like HAPPY GILMORE or BILLY MADISON. I grew up, but Sandler didn't. With STORIES, he continues the same shtick he's usually played: goofball slacker with cartoonish associates who always fight elitist rich snobs (and their silly pretentious lifestyle) over a girl and triumphs in the midst of stupid slapstick, juvenile gags, Rob Schneider cameo, and 1970s/80s pop culture references. I should also make mention that Sandler's company Happy Madison (get it?) produced both STORIES and THE HOUSE BUNNY, so I can't be a total asshole here like I usually am with my negativity. Also I liked Sandler in PUNCH DRUNK LOVE. Never saw REIGN OVER ME, which sounds more like a great wife-beating comedy than a buddy melodrama.
I could easily dismiss STORIES as much as I could his other such pictures, but I won't criticize Sandler for doing them. Why fix an ATM if it's not broken? The point I'm trying to make is that there is no real dire emergency need to check out STORIES, unless you really liked CLICK and 50 FIRST DATES wasn't enough for you. Of course I guess this makes me a hypocrite considering my glowing reviews for each DIRTY HARRY movie, a series that in different variations still carried the same basic narrative dynamics. I'm sure some Sandler fan out there will argue me on the same argumentation. They're welcome to it.
I would also advice skipping BEDTIME STORIES if because for such a rich high concept pitch, it evolved beyond very basic treatment plotting to maybe exploitating the most out of such a premise. Why does the woman who disrespects Sandler suddenly fall for him, then not, then back again? Because the script said so, duh!
You know that common complaint of how trailers for comedies always have the best jokes? Well if you saw the STORIES trailer, you've seen the movie, condensed from 100 to 3 minutes. You've seen the plot gimmick, the rules, the crazy shit that befalls Sandler because of those darn cute kids, and that bug-eye hamster from hell. They even used the picture's best joker about Sandler in prophecy to be incinerated with the misfortune of only-getting flame-theme songs on his radio.
There is nothing to be gained from checking out STORIES if you're an adult. This is the sort of supposed "family entertainment" where 5 year olds love it, but adults stuck watching it wonder why they didn't execute better safe sex, and if Chris Benoit maybe was right after all. Actually, there might be two things: He's too brief, but Jonathan Pryce plays Sandler's father. Don't ask how the Jewish Yankee Sandler is the seed of a Welsh 007 villain.
Also, guess Sandler's preppy adversary in STORIES. Guy Pearce. Yes, MEMENTO, THE PROPOSITION, and L.A. CONFIDENTIAL Guy Pearce is a villain in an Adam Sandler film. I wanted to be elitist myself and mock Pearce for wasting his talent in such trash, but actually I got depressed when I saw his mug. I don't know why I should be, since he and Pryce are surely getting very sweet rich Disney paychecks, so can I blame them? I mean if you're gonna be a whore, go all out like Laurence Olivier or Ben Kingsley. Nobody damns them for SPECIES or INCHON.
That said, Pearce I must admit did have a sorta awesome moment in STORIES, which I'll spoil if so you won't have watch it. There is the inevitable showdown from humble Sandler and slimey Pearce in pitching the theme for the new super hotel, and you expect Pearce's gimmick to be utterly impressive, so to make Sandler's quest a more daunting cliche task . Instead, Pearce proposes quite possibly the worst idea ever for a hotel. Get this....a Broadway Musical hotel. Who the hell would want to stay in one? You have Pearce singing and dancing bout his gimmick, while everyone in the room is quite silently horrified by such tacky stupidity. If you want to make me look like a jerk by seeing STORIES, then that scene is a decent excuse.
But really, I am tired of these movies where the loser whines about not getting a chance or whatever Emo-nonsense. Look Sandler, your boss Pearce's idea was awful, but he at least has ambition and not a lazy asshole like you are. That is why he's banging away the Paris Hilton-esque slut socialite, and not you. BTW, is it me or was that character sorta inapppropriate for a marketed Disney kids movie? Shit I doubt even Pixar could have gotten away with that. OK maybe.
Of course since Pearce and his henchwoman sidekick are so evil, you know they'll get their just desserts, but it makes no sense. One would think that such a proud prick like Pearce would rather clean the toilets at a rest stop than go work for Sandler as the new butler, but I guess with this recession we're in now, he's desperate for the work to pay off his expensive shit-eating grin. Guy, that was a poor investment.
I hate to sound so dismissive of BEDTIME STORIES, for I guess in another reality this good idea could have been further developed into a good movie instead of a lazy mindless bored drone like NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM Same reality where most people agree with me that the baby angle in STAR TREK was bullshit, or that I WANT TO BELIEVE has some merit, or that Guy Pearce was in more good movies instead of this dreck.
Well, if reviews are any indication, his THE HURT LOCKER coming this summer might be pretty good. I mean it's an Iraqi war film (which means it'll flop) and its from the director of POINT BREAK. My gut is pretty sure that LOCKER will be better than BEDTIME STORIES at least, and I'm dragging my girlfriend to see that.