Post by ronnierocketago on Jun 6, 2009 18:13:36 GMT
THE RELIC (1997) - ***1/2
The book by Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child was a terrific myriad of two classic brain-soft Airport Novel genres: the murder mystery and the monster thriller. As I've explained in previous reviews, the Airport Novel is that paperback you pick up at the airport bookstore which you read (and usually complete) on your flight. You know, decent if forgettable entertainments to pass the time. I'm not as harsh on them as I might sound here, I mean I'm the same guy who wrote a love letter to SHOWDOWN IN LITTLE TOKYO, which in literary form would have been a proud pulp actioneer this side of THE DESTROYER and THE EXECUTIONER.
For such a snack like THE RELIC, and produced by Gale Ann Hurd (she had produced her ex-husbands' ALIENS and RAISING CAIN), a pedestrian professional like director/cinematographer Peter Hyams is totally the right guy for this. He's willing to tackle different genres, and I'll be very upfront right here: RELIC might just be his best movie I've reviewed so far. I wouldn't be shocked if 2010 will take back the #1 spot whenever I get around to re-watch it, or maybe it'll be that space western OUTLAND if fucking Netflix gets around to putting the DVD back into circulation. Bastards. But for now, RELIC is big fish of that very small pond. I don't know why I avoided this until now. Maybe it was the bad word of mouth, which revolved primarily around disgruntled fans of the novel and smarks who dismissed it as a shameless and stupid ALIEN ripoff. Well yes it is an ALIEN ripoff, but you know what? It's a pretty good ALIEN ripoff. I mean what's necessarily wrong with that? Hell this is better than the last two ALIEN sequels, and that idiotic AVP sub-franchise. Besides some back in 1979 accused Sir Ridley Scott of knocking off Mario Bava's 1965 Italian horrorfest PLANET OF THE VAMPIRES.
Now who are the thieves? Also some of those people criticize RELIC for being dumb, but not another airport novel-turned-movie THE DA VINCI CODE? You could hear my eyes rolling.
In fact I think this is also Hyams' best lighted film, for he is great here in making the shadows intimidating and abandoned underground tunnels that are frighteningly pitch black and isolating save for your tiny flashlight, much like FRIDAY THE 13TH. Visually and geographically, he sets up the appropriate dreadful mood and grim atmosphere where you know this stalking murdering monster is somewhere around the joint picking people off for lunch, and...is it there? Or is it the--ARRRRGH! I know that aspect doesn't sound impressive, but if you've seen too many similar ALIEN rip-offs in my lifetime that failed to respect such a critical facet like the doozy VIRUS with Jamie Lee Curtis, which coincidentally Hurd also produced.
As for the book fans, well after seeing RELIC I looked up the message board on IMDB, and while some were legitimately miffed about what they claim were changes in the adaptation which cheapened what made the book work and others as expected whined that the film didn't match page 37 exactly. Quite frankly, I barely remember the novel itself (which I read when it originally came out) but I don't believe it was a WATCHMEN or whatever classic that hack filmmakers with their substandard imagination shouldn't try to adapt to their own auteur vision. You know, like Zach Snyder.
As I wrote earlier, THE RELIC combines the police procedural and the beast movie, and I'm kinda surprised but it's a nice refreshing approach to the much-abused creature feature. We get a solid decent cast to fill out these archetypes you would expect from both genres: the grizzled shoot-from-the-hip cop (Tom Sizemore), his freshfish rookie partner (Clayton Rohner), the doopy anti-superstitious biologist who's also coincidentally a hot babe (Penelope Ann Miller), the elderly kind wise scientist with his own radical new theory (James Whitmore), the naysaying administrator more worried about the money than safety (Linda Hunt), and Miller's slimeball lab rival (Chi Moui Lo). I'm reminded here again that Sizemore was upon a time a damn cool acting presence. With his much-publicized troubles with drugs, alcohol, and the nasty sex tape, Sizemore is now stuck doing starring in whichever microbudget Z-pictures that are willing to hire him and his problems, and people forget that he use to kick ass, no matter what movie he was in. Remember TRUE ROMANCE? Remember NATURAL BORN KILLERS? Remember mother fucking HEAT?
His introduction is classic. He arrives onto an abandoned Brazilian cargo ship in the Chicago docks, the scene of a bloody massacre, and is in a bad mood. His co-workers pry out of him that the court against him and that his ex-wife got custody of "him." Now you assume this is the classic melodrama cliche of losing his kid, but instead it turns out he lost his dog. This kinda becomes a running gag, and in amateur hands it would come off as a silly joke, but man Sizemore and Hyams make you buy it as both funny and dramatic. Plus, as we dogowners would probably know, we would be pretty upset too if we lost our precious ass-sniffing pooch. I like how this comes into play later in the film when he finds a police German Shepherd (lower than henchmen and red shirts on the Disposable Food Chain) who survived the monster, and you accept that Sizemore would probably know how to handle this dog, and why he would quickly bond with it. Also I dig his attitude, which much like Dolph Lundgren in I COME IN PEACE, he's definately out of his league, but dammit he'll stop that extra-fantastical menace if that is the last thing he ever does. That and beating up Heidi Fleiss.
We open with some anthropologist involved in a South American tribal ritual and they feed him a dish, and suddenly he's freaking out. We assume he's just having a bad acid trip from whatever "local herbs" he digested. Then we cut to him in Brazil trying desperately to remove some crates out of a cargo ship (ummmm), only to discover too late that they've been flown back home to Chicago's Field Museum of Natural History. The nailed-shut boxes arrive, but they contain nothing except leaves and a broken statue and after this the slayings start. I like we are shown the remains of the first victim in the bathroom, first his chest clawed out by something. Then we cut to his loose brains inches away, followed by his severed head, which looks like it wasn't cut off but more yanked out. Talk about overkill. The autopsy reveals something bizarre and...well, I won't spoil it.
THE RELIC is good at taking its sweet time in setting up the clues and inconsistencies until the third act, when everything finally comes together in an answer, and you go ohhhhh. Really the concept behind the monster is actually quite clever, and indeed his body is designed to look like a bastard creation of different biological and environmental influences. Considering its origins, you even get a good idea of why it wheezes while breathing, which THE RELIC never explains. I dig that. Many geeks crap on the monster for looking lame, but fuck'em. Initially I wanted to praise Hyams for choosing to never fully reveal his fucked-up animal until the climax, showing him only in shadows, brief glimpses, and of course that asthma sound. Then I find out that Hyams only shot it that way because the late great Stan Winston's FX team wasn't ready yet with the monster, and thus Hyams had to then pull a JAWS and shoot around this glaring production problem. A blessing in disguise is what I would call it.
I like the little touches. The young partner, who you expect to die off early on to prove the beast's deadliness, actually survives and even proves himself a capable action figure as he leads people kneedeep in filth through the sewers. When Sizemore goes against his better judgment and allow the Museum Gala to take place, he has a good logical reason for why he thought the murders would now stop. The police here actually act responsible and on top, instead of being useless and wreckless considering the circumstances as they usually are in such pictures because the script demanded it. Some school-ditching kids go to the Museum only because the arcade wasn't open yet, and instead get enraptured by the exhibits. At that age, I probably would have been more fascinated by mummies, Sue the giant T-Rex skeleton, and those stuffed infamous maneating lions from Africa (the basis for THE GHOST AND THE DARKNESS) than playing MORTAL KOMBAT.
Hell I even love the idea that the Relic thing didn't cause the museum's alarm system to overload and go automatic lockdown, but by the panic hoardes of parygoers trying to escape all at once. You even get a great shot of a woman leaning at the front door who's crushed by the sheer numbers, and many people trampled. Also, as Sizemore teams up with Miller to kill the beast, THE RELIC never once bother with a possible romance subplot. Thank You Pete!
Of course there's your usual nonsense. Wouldn't the endless S.W.A.T. guys coming down inside from the roof have heard the cries of their comrades getting ripped to pieces? Did the filmmakers have to use the ole boring explosive fireball finale? Why would the monster explode like it does? How desperate is the Museum's coffers when it hosts a new public exhibition on the site of several recent deaths? Wouldn't that scare people away? Wouldn't the local press crucify the Museum? Also, why does this genre always demand simplistic dynamics where you have both a secular atheist face off with a supernatural believer? Why can't we have science and religion accept each other for what they are: two seperate bodies of knowledge that both explain universe in their own fashion, but not each other. Let's be mature about this and not go Intelligent Design, okay?
Also, maybe its my progressive friends rubbing off on me finally, but I think RELIC might be just a tad racist. Miller at one point calls Lo a "gerbil" so? Lo is Asian. People, doesn't that come off as.....in bad taste? I wouldn't be shocked if the original screenplay had her call him a "lizard" or "snake" or whatever derogatory term for any sneaky rat bastard backstabber in the workplace. But once that Asian actor was casted, they had to change the script and replace such obvious prejudicial symbology....and I don't think it worked. For the record, I don't think Asian people shouldn't in anyway be compared to those harmless little cute pets that which Richard Gere and Elton John have been accused of shoving up a particular body orifice. I mean would you call Bruce Lee a gerbil to his face?
So THE RELIC isn't rocket science, but Hyams helms a pretty effective creature feature. I was involved, I was intrigued, and I was at times even tense with anticipation and enjoyed the thrills. I enjoyed a movie produced back when Tom Sizemore had the right to call himself Tom Sizemore, and back Miller actually had a career at the movies and showed her nice boobs and legs off in Brian DePalma's CARLITO'S WAY. No boobies here in RELIC, but her character is a bit of a boob, though I don't think she can blame the script. Unfortunately I've seen Sizemore's current manboobs, and that image was more scary than that monster. I'm sure even it saw a glimpse of that sex tape, it would crawl away into a fetal position and suck its thumb.
Too bad Sizemore's career is a relic now.